


The Snow Queen

by Phoebsfan



Category: Alias (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-01
Updated: 2003-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebsfan/pseuds/Phoebsfan
Summary: Irina backstory.
Relationships: Jack Bristow/Irina Derevko





	The Snow Queen

The snow would be thick back home. Mama would be making special dishes for Nana's birthday celebration. Anya and Pieter would come in to our small and drafty house, noses red and cheeks bitten with cold, bursting with energy and excitement. Tugging on Mama's apron, wanting to tell her all about their day at school.

No... Anya and Pieter would be grown now, with families of their own.

The snow would still be thick, but no one would be making special dishes for my father's birthday. No small faces pressed against cold frosted windows, no small arcs of heated glass where breath collected to allow the small faces view of the frozen pond and naked glittering trees.

Mama was in the ground next to Nana. Anya and Pieter were lost in the political turmoil, neither alive nor dead. Frozen in time like my homeland in winter. Still as the snow. Remaining children for all time.

In LA it doesn't snow.

That winter is vivid in my mind, clear as the ice that encrusted our lives and lands. The smell of Mama's cooking still makes my mouth water in anticipation. Anya and little Pieter's ghosts laugh in my mind. And Nana's warm smile sends pain to my core. Chilling me more then the tall snow drifts and frost bitten air.

_"Rina! Rina! Where have you wandered to? You know your nana will be home soon and he will be disappointed to see that you still have not finished your chores! How you ever expect to catch a man with such laziness is beyond me."_

_"Ah Mama. I don't plan to catch any man. I'm going away to the university to study and then I will teach." Irina Derevko smiled at her mother and finished sweeping the rest of the dust from the floor. Mama just shook her head. There would never be enough resources for her oldest's education and there would always be plenty of men to teach those lucky enough to gain an education._

_"You soil your head with visions that can not be. It would be wise if you would look at your life through your eyes instead of your dreams, my pretty daughter."_

Those winters, safe at home with mother and father nearby.... Memories like those remind me how foolish I was. I had everything. And yet to pursue some dream, foolish as Mama had said, I managed to lose it all.

My mother had warned my father against sending me away. No good could come of it. Mother was superstitious and still old fashioned, believing that the wife should stay at home and care for the children. No amount of political movements could convince her that a woman could ever be a mans equal. That the rich and poor could become equal and live in harmony. Everyone working for the good of their country.

_"There will always be men with power. Men who desire it's taste over all others. They will never sleep, for fear of thieves that come in the night to take what they have taken. They will never eat, for their superiority is nourishment enough. Their will always be those in need. The motherland is unforgiving, it takes what it wants, my daughter. Be happy with what you have. You have more then most."_

I often wonder what would have become of me had I taken mother's advice. I most likely would have married young and stayed in a small house in the harsh climate of my home. Had too many children and died of want. A miserable existence. But then I look at my glass cage now, at the blood that stains my hands and I wonder if it was worth it. Would I not have been better off in a snug and warm home?

My father had worked hard that winter to see to it that come spring I would travel the seventy kilometers to the university. And so I did. That winter I was seventeen. It was the last winter I spent at home and the last time I saw my father. He died shortly after I arrived at school. I had no way to travel home for his funeral and so I stayed and cried my pain into my pillow at night.

It was late summer when I was first approached with the offer of a life time.

A chance to prove once and for all to my mother that yes, a woman could be useful in a man's world. My government needed me. And I was more then proud to service my country.

What a little fool I was.... a naive fool.

I learned to lie and fight. It came easy. I had been dying to be someone else my whole life and now I had that chance.

It wasn't long before Mother Russia had hand picked me out of many to go to America and spy on the Yankee's.

I had everything I wanted. I was gaining an education in a top university for the small price of serving my country. I could not understand my mother's fears and doubts. I did not understand how she could be so wary of my employment. Yet still the letters begging me to come home and quit this nonsense, continued to come.

I remembered my tears of rage and hurt. Why couldn't my mother accept that I was doing the right thing?

Years later I know why. I know now, with Sydney... And had I been given the option I would never have let Sydney join Sloane's group of spies.

Sydney....

Sydney...

The one good thing that came of all my sins.

I was barely twenty when I was ordered to play Jack Bristow. He was handsome, if a bit distracted by his studies. And even though I had vowed to remain professional, I found myself liking him more then I should have. When he proposed I said yes right away, without consulting the KGB.

It was then that I had my first doubts.

I wanted out. I loved Jack despite all of the work I had done to prevent it. I had talked him into eloping. We were going to disappear. But they found us. And I told Jack I had changed my mind. I wanted the fairy tale wedding instead.

Mother Russia took Anya away from our home to ensure my cooperation.

And so I married Jack in a church with dozens of people I didn't know. I continued to do my job, though I detested it with everything in me. But Jack's touch somehow managed to make me forget. Forget that I was betraying him.

Life with Jack was never dull. He adored me and I adored him. And though at times I cried secret tears when he called me by my cover. I couldn't imagine living life without him.

My first Valentine's day in America had come and gone without me even recognizing it. But when I met Jack it quickly became one of my favorite days. Every year would be better then the last.

_"Jack? What's going on? Why are you....." He silenced her by placing a finger to her lips._

_"No talking." he smiled then withdrew his hand. Her smile was heaven itself. "The rules are simple." He opened her hand and poured a collection of tiny hearts into her hand. "I give you one of these hearts and if it says an action you have to do that action. After you do what the heart says you can give me one of your hearts and I'll do what it says." She giggled and nodded, eager to play._

_Taking his wife's hand, Jack lead her to their bed and they sat on the edge of it. He held out a purple heart so she could read it and she giggled again._

_"Cutie." Smiling he traced her jaw and urged her to open her mouth again by pressing his thumb to her lower lip. She gladly obliged and he set the candy on her tongue. Melting into a sugary mess._

_"I love you." Smiling coyly she crooked her finger and gestured for him to come closer. Sticking her tongue out she placed the candy on the very tip as he leaned in and quickly snatched it from her tongue with his own. Not daring to linger any longer so close. He was enjoying the game far too much to have it end so quickly._

_"Smile." She gladly performed her act and he rewarded her by rubbing the candy down the bridge of her nose and across her lips before depositing it in her waiting mouth._

_"Hug me." Jacks arms crushed her to him quickly, his ache growing quickly. The need to feel her frame against him ever present in the pit of his stomach. She pushed him away playfully and placed the heart on the inside of her wrist, offering it to him._

_His tongue warm on her skin, lingered a bit longer, tracing random patterns then retreating to be replaced by his lips. She shivered as he placed a kiss on her wrist and withdrew._

_Breathing had become shallow for both of them but still he tormented them with another heart. She thought she would burst if he didn't do something soon._

_"Be nice." he teased to the desire glowing in her eyes. She chuckled and he placed his heart on the tip of his finger. Leaning in she placed his finger in her mouth, sucking on it and twirling her tongue around it. Withdrawing her mouth slowly, promising him more later._

_He struggled to regain control of his senses. The wait was torture but he knew she'd make it worth it. His Laura was worth waiting for._

_"Kiss me." He didn't need a second invitation. In seconds he had her on her back, gently teasing her lips. Slowing his outburst of passion to a long and lingering display of affection. Slow and gentle. Driving her wild._

_Unable to resist the urge any longer, she placed her heart on her chest, just barely in the valley of her breasts. He lapped it up and eagerly lingered a bit longer. Nibbling at her flesh, licking and kissing the reddened area as she squirmed against him._

_Giggling she pushed him away, he had one more heart left and she wanted to see what it said._

_"Be Mine." And she was._

And then Sydney had arrived. I hurried to empty the memories of Jack and I from my head. It did no one any good to stew on the past. To hunger for a food that can never be yours again.

But sometimes in my glass cage it's all I can think about. And God.... I can't help but still want him.

Sydney had come accidentally. But she was my savior.

I knew then what had to be done. And for a while I stopped reporting like a good little spy, started giving them false information. Unfortunately everything doesn't work out the way you'd like it too.

Pieter was taken for my crimes. And letters from my mother stopped coming.

Jack held me long into the night, when my tears couldn't stop falling and my body shook with despair. He didn't know what to do and tried his best to help me. He even went as far as getting me a "doctor."

I loved him even more then. But our love couldn't last and there was no one left to threaten me with except for Jack and Sydney. I had no choice. I did what they told me to do. And I left my family.

I returned to my mother's house to find it in shambles. Mama had died shortly after Pieter was taken. Her heart broken.

She died being ashamed of me. Most likely hating me for ruining our family. She spent her last few months alone because of me. And when she died the mourners at her funeral were not related to her in any way. The ground was frozen and they had to wait till spring to bury her in an unmarked grave next to my father.

Years later I went back home, after prison and the torture of those two years. After I'd learned a few more lessons the hard way. I had her name added to my father's stone. Paid a village boy to make sure the stone remained free of the ten foot drifts of snow. It was ridiculous but it was the only way I could think of to start to pay them back.

To keep that unforgiving white blanket of death from their stone. To keep it visible at all times. So that people would know they were important to someone. That someone out there still loved them and thought of them.

And finally when everything was in place I returned. Hoping to mend the damage I had done here. Only to find that some damage can't be fixed.

And so I sit day after day, my father's books and my mother's earrings, the only reminders of a family that no one but myself remembers. My own daughter coming to visit me from time to time. My husband shunning me like a plague.

And all I want to do is repeat my mother's words as they scream through my mind.

_"There will always be men with power. Men who desire it's taste over all others. They will never sleep, for fear of thieves that come in the night to take what they have taken. They will never eat, for their superiority is nourishment enough...."_


End file.
